Bush Says Farewell In "The Onion"

Part of Dubya's legacy tour, like much in The Onion, almost seems plausible.

In his Onion farewell published in the new edition, Bush opens with, "Oh, America. Eight years went by so fast, didn't they? I feel like I hardly got to know you and methodically undermine everything you once stood for.

“But I guess all good things must come to an end, and even though you know I would love to stick around for another year or four — maybe privatize Social Security or get us into Iran — I'm afraid it's time to go. But before I leave, let me say, from the bottom of my heart: I can't think of another country I would've rather led to the brink of collapse."